Created by Mel Robbins, the 5 Second Rule can be used to break any bad habit, interrupt self-doubt and negative self-talk, and push yourself to take the actions that will change your life.
Category: Inspiration
Letting Go
As the loved ones around me age, and grow closer to death, or I return to a beloved place that is now unrecognizable, it causes me to reflect upon the people, places and experiences that are gone. It is so difficult to let go and accept when things have changed. There is a tender part of me that deeply aches for everything to return to how it once was.
A dear friend of mine recently reminded me that nothing truly dies or ends, as it lives on in your heart and in your memory. There is such truth in this perspective. All I need to do is close my eyes, put my hands on my heart, and remember. It is all there. The other truth is that change is not always bad, it is simply different. In fact, it often allows for new opportunities to emerge, and new relationships to develop.
Resistance to the unknown is a natural human response and it embodies the First Noble Truth of dissatisfaction and suffering:
The First Noble Truth describes the nature of life and our personal experience of this impermanent, ever changing world. All beings desire happiness, safety, peace and comfort. We desire what is satisfying, pleasurable, joyful and permanent. However, the very nature of existence is impermanent, always changing, and therefore incapable of fully satisfying our desire. Inevitably, we experience frustration, anger, loss, unhappiness, and dissatisfaction.
Life is in constant change, and changes such as birth, old age, sickness, and death can bring dissatisfaction or suffering. Suffering may arise from being associated with people or conditions that are unpleasant, from being separated from people we love, or conditions we enjoy, from not getting what we desire, or from getting what we desire then losing it. Even our own thoughts and feelings are impermanent, constantly changing. Inevitably, all physical, emotional, and mental conditions will change.
Insight into the First Noble Truth: To overcome dissatisfaction and suffering, it is essential that we understand and accept the ever-changing, impermanent nature of life; we acknowledge the presence of dissatisfaction and suffering; we understand the very nature of suffering, and we embrace suffering compassionately, without fear or avoidance.
Source: Naljor Creations
Something to Inspire
“First, I must confess that over the last few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Council-er or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate who is more devoted to “order” than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says “I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I can’t agree with your methods of direct action;” who paternalistically feels he can set the timetable for another man’s freedom; who lives by the myth of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait until a ‘more convenient season.’ Shallow understanding from people of goodwill is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.”
~ Letter from a Birmingham Jail, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., 16 April 1963
Things I Love: The Call to Courage
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again…who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”
Brené Brown is an American professor, lecturer, author, and podcast host. She is recognized for her research on shame, vulnerability, and leadership, and for her widely viewed TEDx talk (2010). She has written six number-one New York Times bestselling books and hosts two podcasts. I recently watched her lecture on Netflix, The Call to Courage.
At the beginning of her talk, Dr. Brown summarizes the value of courage and vulnerability, “The key to whole-hearted living is vulnerability. You measure courage by how vulnerable you are.” She starts every day by putting her feet on the floor and saying, “Today I will choose courage over comfort. I can’t make any promises for tomorrow, but today I will choose to be brave.”
According to Dr. Brown’s research, choosing courage and vulnerability opens us up to love, joy and belonging, and brings us closer to what she calls, “whole-hearted living.” It changes the kind of partner, parent and professional we are when we live brave and authentic lives. Here are a few tips that she provides on how to answer the call to courage:
Be Vulnerable
Dr. Brown argues that, “Vulnerability is our most accurate way to measure courage…”
“…No vulnerability, no creativity. No tolerance for failure, no innovation. It is that simple,” she advises. “If you’re not willing to fail, you can’t innovate. If you’re not willing to build a vulnerable culture, you can’t create.”
Open Up
Dr. Brown asserts vulnerability is the birthplace of love and joy. Highlighting the risks of love, Dr. Brown polls the audience: “Are you 100% sure that person will always love you back, will never leave, will never get sick? How many of you have every buried someone you love? How many of you have lost someone you love?“
“To love is to be vulnerable, to give someone your heart and say, ‘I know this could hurt so bad, but I’m willing to do it; I’m willing to be vulnerable and love you,’ ” she adds.
No Regrets
“Vulnerability is hard, and it’s scary, and it feels dangerous, but it’s not as hard, scary or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves, ‘What if I would’ve shown up?’ ‘What if I would’ve said, I love you?’ “ Dr. Brown tells the crowd. “Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage… ’cause you’re worth it. You’re worth being brave.”
Be Intentional
Humans are hard-wired to care what others think but we need to be intentional about who we accept feedback from. Dr. Brown believes that, “If you are not in the arena, getting your a** kicked and rejected, I am not interested in your feedback.” And she contends that you should listen to: “People who love you not in spite of your imperfection and vulnerability, but because of it.”
Belong To Yourself
Dr. Brown explains that vulnerability is the birth of true belonging, “we are hard-wired for belonging,” wanting other people to love us and “see” us. But that we cannot be vulnerable and not be ourselves— the enemy of belonging is trying to fit in...Belonging, is belonging to yourself first…Speaking your truth, telling your story and never betraying yourself for other people. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are. And that’s vulnerable.”
Gratitude
Dr. Brown describes joy as the most vulnerable emotion as “…in the midst of joy, we dress rehearse trauma...joy becomes foreboding.” Her research reveals the importance of gratitude. She interviewed numerous people who survived harrowing experiences such as mass shootings, loss of a child, natural disasters, or war, as she wanted to better understand how some people come through it and remain compassionate. A common response from those interviewed is the value of gratitude and the importance of appreciation for the little things.
Embrace Discomfort
Dr. Brown contents that we need to be courageous and initiate difficult conversations, so marginalized groups do not bear that responsibility. “To not have the conversations because they make you uncomfortable is the definition of privilege. Your comfort is not at the centre of this discussion. That is not how this works. Of course you’re going to get you’re a** handed to you in these conversations…It’s not a question whether you have a bias or not, it’s a question of how many and how bad and how deep.” Brown underscores that we have to be humble, listen and learn. “We have to be able to choose courage over comfort, we have to be able to say, ‘Look, I don’t know if I’m going to nail this but I’m going to try because I know what I’m sure as hell not going to do is stay quiet.’”
Come Off The Blocks
“Vulnerability is hard and it’s scary and it feels dangerous. But it’s not as hard, or scary or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves: What if I would’ve shown up? What if I would’ve said ‘I love you?’ What if I would’ve come off the blocks? Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage and come off the blocks. Because you’re worth it—you’re worth being brave.”
Joy Journal
Joy Journal #9: May 30, 2022
This past spring, my daughter attended school in Aix-en-Provence, France for two months. Although she was in French immersion before we left Canada, joining a French classroom was a very different experience, and she faced a steep learning curve. Thankfully, she met an amazing group of friends, which made a huge difference.
The administration and teaching staff were kind and supportive but they expected a lot from her. Middle school students in France are held to high standards and taught challenging topics such as classical music, literature (poetry and fiction), art history and theory, world history and politics, advanced math and science.
At one point, my daughter was asked to memorize and recite a 16th century sonnet, Heureux Qui Comme Ulysse by Joachim Du Bellay. Du Bellay wrote the poem in 1558 when he was exiled in Rome, Italy, longing for his homeland. In the lead up to the assignment, my daughter practiced with my sister, Cara, who is a successful theatre actress. I was amazed at my daughter’s ability to retain it all. She practiced so much, I even caught her reciting it out loud in her sleep.
On the day of the assignment, she did really well, and received a high mark for her efforts. Her teacher was very complimentary of both her pronunciation and delivery. It meant a lot to her, as French teachers do not generally hand out praise lightly. For me, this little moment sums up our experience in France. I was so proud of my child for being brave and facing something that was really scary. It was heartening to watch her rise to the challenge, and keep showing up, even though it was hard. It reflects some of the gifts that we hope to give our children for life: confidence, courage and determination. #JoyBlogging
Facing Fear
“Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.” ~ George Addair
Travelling in Europe with my daughter for three and a half months was a big learning curve for me. It was my first time taking an extended trip as solo parent, which was both exciting and intimidating. I was responsible for making all of the decisions, arranging our travel plans, and ensuring that we got everywhere safely and on time. It was a lot to take on, but I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and it resulted in an amazing adventure for us both.
Throughout our time abroad, when facing something unfamiliar and new, it tended to generate anxiety; but as I was the adult ‘in charge’, I had to push through my fear, and focus my attention on getting us to where we needed to go, or doing what we needed to do. After repeating this action numerous times, over a relatively short period, I was pleasantly surprised at how things unfolded. I discovered that I am pretty good at figuring things out and finding a pathway forward; and when challenges arise, there are often kind people (both strangers and friends) to turn to, and ask for help.
For example, it has been many years since I last spoke French, and I was really rusty when we returned to France. As I am now in my late forties, and less self-conscious, I barrelled ahead, despite making lots of mistakes. Seizing the opportunity to speak French on a daily basis was more important to me than being too intimidated to try. For the first few weeks, it was hard to be so terrible at it, but I kept pushing forward with my efforts. Eventually, I started to make incremental improvements, and before I knew it, I was receiving regular compliments from native speakers. I even established friendships with a group of locals. These affirmations meant the world to me and encouraged me to keep going.
In the second month we were in Aix, we did not host any visitors, and my daughter was in school full-time. I intentionally planned this time to slow down, as I wanted time to focus on my writing and photography, but once it arrived, I felt unsure about being alone for such a long period. I am used to being surrounded by a supportive community of friends and family. Once I moved through the initial fear, however, I decided to just take it one day at a time. Before I knew it, I had established a lovely daily routine, which I came to cherish, and I learned that I really enjoy my own company. This quiet, creative time became a highlight of my trip.
This experience was a valuable opportunity for me to learn about leaning into discomfort and facing fear. It has given me the confidence to incorporate this approach into my regular life and make more brave choices on a daily basis. I am excited see where it leads me next.
Joy Journal
Joy Journal #8: September 6, 2022
Today was my daughter’s the first day of school. It unofficially marks the end of summer and the beginning of a new year. This is her final year of middle school and the first one where she is not under restrictions from the pandemic. Community is so important to me and I have felt its absence over the past two and a half years. This morning, the Parents Advisory Council (PAC) hosted an in-person coffee morning. It was really nice to have the opportunity to gather together again.
I felt particularly proud of my child today. She experienced a really difficult year in grade seven, which made it hard for her to come back to school; but after studying in France, and attending a week-long hiking/canoeing camp this summer, she returned with a new-found confidence and sense of grounded self. She is transformed inside and out; and she made the brave decision to transfer classes and start over fresh. This evening, we celebrated her success by going out for dinner at Bao. They serve delicious Asian inspired bowls and buns; and we enjoyed a cosy meal together. It was a good day, all around. #JoyBlogging
Something to Inspire
Joy Journal
Joy Journal #7: August 28, 2022
In these last few days of August, I watch the salmon battle at the mouth of the creek that runs behind the house. Little boys nudge at the slippery masses of red and black with wooden sticks. The fish struggle to crawl upstream over pebbles and rocks, aggressively pushing past each other to deposit their eggs: an irresistible yearning calling them home. Glassy-eyed carcasses line the shoreline and cormorants feast. The leftovers decompose into nitrate, providing essential nourishment to this delicate ecosystem. Fall impatiently taps her fingers, waiting to settle in. #JoyBlogging
Sabbatical 2022: Homeward Bound
On the final leg of our sabbatical trip, we stopped in New York to visit friends and family. One of my best friends, Elise, lives in the city, and my sister lives upstate, so we were able to enjoy a mixture of urban and rural experiences for the final ten days of our adventure.
We started off by meeting my sister in NYC. It was my daughter’s first time in the city, so it was fun to be tourists together, and explore some of its many attractions. Some of the highlights included: taking a boat ride along the Hudson to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island; seeing Hamilton on Broadway; visiting the MoMA; catching an impromptu jazz show of François Houle and friends; and eating our way around town!
During the pandemic, my sister and her husband moved out of the city, and they bought a house in the countryside between Hudson and Catskill. This charming community is only a two-hour direct train out of NYC. It offers many of the amenities of the city (arts events, good restaurants, shopping and cafés), as well as proximity to the mountains for activities such as hiking, skiing, and fresh water swimming. We really enjoyed our time exploring the local area. We spent a few lazy days soaking in the sun down at the local creek. We hiked at Hunter Mountain and visited the public art park at Art Omi. We also ate at Feast & Floret in Hudson. It was a delicious, seasonally inspired, and farm to table experience!
After heading back to the city, we were able to enjoy one final special day with my dear friend Elise. It was such a treat to have more time with her, if only briefly, after our recent visit in France. We packed as much as we could into our visit. She is a talented artist and we were lucky enough to visit her studio in Dumbo, Brooklyn. We ate some great Mexican food at Los Tacos Al Pastor and tasted the wild ice cream flavours at Ample Hills, followed with a lovely meal at home with her family. Her son, Linus, runs an innovative company called Komorebi, and he topped a wonderful evening off by showcasing some of his cardistry tricks.
As we prepared to fly home, after three and a half months on the road, my daughter and I were tired, happy and full of gratitude. This incredibly special trip was life changing for both of us; and we returned to Canada different people than we first left. Our sabbatical adventure provided us with the precious gift of time. It removed us from the hectic pace of our normally busy lives and overpacked schedules: reminding us of what is truly important. Each other. This experience brought us closer to one another in a whole new way; and it is a memory that I will always cherish and never, ever forget.
Something to Inspire
“Those who train wholeheartedly in awakening bodhichitta are called bodhisattvas or warriors—not warriors who kill but warriors of nonaggression who hear the cries of the world. Warrior-bodhisattvas enter challenging situations in order to alleviate suffering. They are willing to cut through personal reactivity and self-deception. They are dedicated to uncovering the basic, undistorted energy of bodhichitta.”
Joy Journal
Joy Journal #7: August 23, 2022
I have always wanted to hike along the Juan de Fuca trail. I was finally able to go today with two good friends of mine, Alex and Mary. It generally takes a few days to walk the whole trail, and as we only wanted to do a day-trip together, we took two cars, leaving one at each entry point: Botanical Beach and Parkinson Creek. It was a warm and overcast day, with sunlight peaking through the clouds. The path itself runs through the forest and close along the coast line, so you can enjoy the smell of the ocean, and the lush foliage of the trees as you make your way along. We were mindful of bears, as there are many living in the area, foraging for ripe blackberries and salal: a bell dangled from my backpack to signal our approach. We stopped mid-way to rest on a sloped grey rock that overlooked the ocean: sharing a picnic lunch of cheese, salmon, peaches, dark chocolate and kitchen-sink cookies. Rested and well-fed, we continued along our journey for the remainder of the afternoon. The eleven-kilometre hike took four hours to complete and we emerged feeling happy, tired and satisfied after a full day of connection and exploration. #JoyBlogging
Breath by Breath 