Tag: liz gilbert

Something to Inspire

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A few months ago, I shared the Letters to Love project. It is a powerful practice and community started by Liz Gilbert. She recently shared one of her own letters and it deeply resonated with me. I wanted to share it with you and encourage you to explore more of her work on Substack.

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Dear Love, what would you have me know today about finding a sense of calm?  

Oh my dearest little jitterbug, what a sweet question! Where indeed can a body find a sense of calm? In this world? In this economy? Surrounded by these monkeys-dressed-in-human-garb? Sometimes it seems impossible, doesn’t it?

I can start by telling you that you aren’t going to find it out there. Your calm is not located in the outside world, nor does anyone else besides you hold the keys to it.

I mean, yes, you can find temporary fixes to a nervous body by reaching for things outside of yourself to settle you down, and heaven knows you have tried them all over the decades: prescription and non-prescription drugs, alcohol, food, mass media and social media, somebody else’s body or attention upon you, perfectionism, success, shopping, adventure . . . oh, my dear little twerky bean, the world has so much to offer you that will alter your nervous system. Yes indeed it does — and all you have to do to get it is pay through the nose, or beg, or hunt, or manipulate, or compromise and exhaust yourself.

But is that really what calm is? Really? Something you pay for, or barter for?

Why would we have designed you that way? Why would we have made it so difficult for you, such that finding a sense of ease in the world would require you to work so hard in the material realm? And why would we have made it so that your sense of calm is so fragile and fleeting that all it would take to disturb your serenity is for you to lose any of those temporary fixes that you have clutched at in order to settle yourself down?

Why would we have made you so DEPENDENT, when we love you so much?

Well, my dear, we didn’t. It’s all been a big misunderstanding. Your calm is not dependent at all upon what happens outside of you. You know this intellectually, my love, and you’ve certainly read enough spiritual texts to believe it to be the truth, but it’s time for you to know it in your body. And that’s what we are working on here.

My love, your sense of dis-ease and disturbance has always come from within you, but so does the remedy. Doesn’t that make sense? The same brain that can produce cortisol and adrenaline can also produce oxytocin and serotonin. If the trouble is within, then so is the fix. Doesn’t that sound like how nature works? It is how nature works.

And this should be incredibly good news for you, given that the world has become more unstable than ever. How dreadful it would be if you had to rely upon people, places, or things in the outside in order to feel okay on the inside. (How long are you planning to wait for that, by the way? For everything in the outside world to be put in order, such that you can relax? How’s that going so far?)

Why would we do that to you, when we love you so much?

My child, it is no accident that I have been telling you more strongly than ever that it is time to go within. Every day in our communion, I have been telling you that all the relief and connection you need are to be found within the autonomous nervous system that we have provided for you. That your moods and fears and indeed your HOPE does not need to be tied to anyone else, or anything else, ever again.

We have a plan for you. It involves things you already know how to do. It’s just a matter of your doing it with more love and commitment than ever. Meditate, my dear one — but I want you to sit for more time each day, and sometimes twice a day. Get married to meditation. All the answers you will ever need will be found in the space of meditation — including my voice. And remember — listening to my voice is the same thing as meditating. If you’re sitting quietly conversing with me, that is meditation. If you are writing letters from me, that is meditation. And if you are reading and responding to letters that I have written to others, that is also meditation.

So ask me to come and visit you, while you are sitting still and quiet. I will talk you through it. We will be together. I will tell you everything you need to know.

Your breath is my breath, sweetheart. We share the same breath. I am your breath. Which means that approximately 12 to 20 times a minute, I come to visit you, to replenish you, and to tell you how much I love you.

Your heart is my heart, child. We share the same heart. Now go there and roam. Your heart is our home. I’ll meet you there.

Have a quiet day. I love you —

Love, LOVE

Wise Words

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Last spring, I went with my sister to see Liz Gilbert speak at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre in Vancouver. I have been a fan of her work for a long time but I am equally as interested in her as a person. She explores the human condition in such a real, raw and authentic way. I appreciate her commitment to self-compassion, curiosity and vulnerability; and I was excited to hear her speak on this tour, not about a particular book, but rather about her reflections on how to live a good life.

It was a brilliant presentation and I took notes throughout. I thought you might be interested in reading through some of the wisdom shared.

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“What are you willing to give up to have the thing (life) you keep pretending you want? All of your time is being spent doing things other than what you pretend you want most (e.g. watching tv, going out with friends instead of writing). You aren’t prioritizing the thing you keep telling me is the most important in your life. Stop playing around or stop wasting my time. Focus. Do the work.”

~ Advice shared from the female artist in Liz Gilbert’s Lower Eastside neighbourhood. She was her unofficial mentor. This woman lived the life that Liz envied. This was a transformational moment for Liz when she realized she had to stop talking and start doing the work.

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“It’s all going to be all right.” ~ advice from Liz’s friend Richard from Texas

The most relaxed person in the world is the most powerful. They can see everything. They are present with the vast expansiveness of the situation. They see details and options that others cannot see. When you are anxious, you have tunnel vision. I do not want my last breaths on this beautiful earth to be stressful.

To be relaxed, you have to choose. You need to start by saying no to a lot of stuff that you really want to do. You only have one life. Don’t waste it. 

To live a relaxed life, women need three things:

  1. Priorities
  2. Boundaries
  3. Mysticism 

Priorities:

Three most important words: I don’t care.

What do you care about? Who do you care about? It cannot be very much. There are a few things that I care about intensely. These are defined as my priorities.

Boundaries: 

The great mythologist, Joseph Campbell, spent his entire life studying the religions of the world. He was asked, “What is the definition of sacred?” and  “How do human beings make something sacred?” He responded, “It’s the simplest thing in the entire world, and you do not need a priest for it, anybody can do it. Here’s how humans make something sacred: You draw a circle around it and you say everything inside this circle is holy. It’s sacred because you said so. That is called a boundary, and a boundary is not a wall. A boundary is not something that you hide behind. A boundary is a golden circle that you draw around the things that matter to you, and you say everything inside this circle is sacred. If you treat it with respect, you are allowed to come in, but take your shoes off and bow because you are coming into the center of holiness here. And if it’s not, and it’s outside, then what do we say? We say, “I do not care.”

“Your sacred place is where you can find yourself again and again.” ~ Joseph Campbell

“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Women are taught to be servants to the world. To ignore their own needs. In order for women to step into the divine, they have to cultivate a sense of self. A man needs to do the opposite. They need to let go of self.

“I have no difficult people in my life. The world is a difficult place. I chose who I let into my life. I can think of no one who is entitled to be in it.” ~ Rachel Cargle 

Mysticism:

Mysticism is defined as interactions between humans and the divine. Martha Beck interviewed a wide range of successful women. They all shared a common experience. “I heard a voice.” “I have a spirit guide.” “My ancestors spoke to me.” They established connection to a deeper level. They tapped into the base notes of divinity. An internal guidance system told them to: Trust this person. Take action now. 

Thin places in the universe are created through experiencing deep suffering. 

“There is a crack in everything. That’s where the light gets in.” ~ Leonard Cohen

Relax completely in the embrace of someone who is deeply fond of you: have faith in the vast and endless love of the divine.

“When we have got something for you to do, you will be notified.” Wait for the signal.

When you are actually needed, which is not very often, you will recognize it.

“I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, for love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith, but the faith and the love are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.” ~ TS Eliot

“Wow, wow, wow.” ~ Steve Jobs’ last words. 

Rayya Elias ~ After fighting with death until the bitter end, Rayya has a look of wonder and joy on her face when she passed over.

Religion is for people who are afraid to go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.

My objective in the second half of my life is to move through the world in a relaxed state.

No abandonment of self. No saying yes when I mean no.

I am at the centre of the sacredness. I am my own guardian. I do not use anything that alters my mood or state of being.

Tools: Insight Timer. Taylor Somerville’s breath meditations.

Read something that feels sacred. Poets and poetry. Liz believes when poets die they leave the door to the sacred open. Reading their work provides access.

Two way prayer. Talking with love. It is a form of downloading information and listening to what love is saying to you. 

Ask the divine one question in a journal a day: “Dear Love, what would you have me know today?” Use the sweetest terms in response – my beloved…my sweet…

“What is the best thing I should be putting my energy into?” Sometimes she asks herself several times a day. 

“You will be notified when we have something for you to do.”

Take care of the animal body until the divine provides instructions. Pretend you are taking care of an animal that you adopted from a shelter, with utmost love and tenderness (e.g. drink water, take a bath, walk, meditate).

All problems are solved by walking.

Travel with a teddy bear. Care for the small and young part of the self with love and kindness.

Letters to Love

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I really admire the writer Elizabeth Gilbert. She is messy and honest and fierce and funny. She is wildly talented, relentlessly curious, and deeply devoted to a life of service. She recently started a new community project called Letters from Love, which I am taking part in. I encourage you to check it out. She shares more about the project here:

Here is my own first letter to love…

Dear Love, what would you have me know today?

Sweetest little girl. There is nothing that you need to do or say to earn love or deserve love. You are love. No one can give it to you or take it away.

My little hummingbird – I can feel your heart beating wildly with anxiety. I sense that you do not believe me but it is so. The stories that you told yourself as a child are not true.

“If I do what they say, they will love me.”

“If I agree with them, they will love me.”

“If I care for them, they will love me.”

“If I give enough, they will love me.”

“If I am good, they will love me.”

I wrap her in my arms and I hold her close. I caress her soft curls. I breathe in her sweet scent. I whisper in her perfect little ear a message for her future self, “Give love in the way that feels authentic to you. It does not need to conform to a standard. There is no gold star to earn. Love does not have a right or wrong expression. It is love. They can choose to receive what you are offering, or not, but you know what it truly is: a pure and beautiful offering from your heart. No one can take the truth away from you.”

Setting boundaries is love. Saying no is love. Holding on to yourself is love. You are teaching respect and showing love through your words and actions. They may never understand but that is ok. You know. You know the truth and that is what matters. I know that this work is really really hard and I am so very proud of you. Keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. The only way out is through.

The Body Speaks – Are you Listening?

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young women in lotus pose

I really enjoy Liz Gilbert’s work. She is a prolific novelist. Her books, Big Magic and The Signature of All Things are two of my favourites; and she is best known for her mammoth best seller, Eat, Pray, Love. Liz is also very active on social media and I like to follow her on Facebook and Instagram. She posts thoughtful, inspiring and deeply personal content. She is the living definition of Bréne Brown’s concept of daring greatly, inspired by Theodore Roosevelt’s Man in the Arena quote. Standing in the arena of life: she presents herself with honesty, openness and vulnerability.

A few years ago, Liz posted about her journey to recover from a knee injury (click link below to read the full post). In it, she shares how her pain started around the time of her divorce. It was relentless, real and debilitating. After seeking every medical option, one day Liz finally just asks her knee what it needs from her:

I literally spoke to it. I got very quiet, and very sleepy, and I said, “Tell me what you need from me, dear knee. I’m listening. I’ll do whatever you say. Surgery? A replacement? More gentle care? More acupuncture? A change of diet? Reiki? Just give me the word.”

Then I got very quiet, and my knee told me what it wanted. I heard the answer in the depths of my mind, as clear as day. It said, “GO FASTER.”

Go faster, said my knee. Go running. Go climbing. Go dancing. Use me. Jump up and down on me. I am a KNEE. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I am wondrously designed, said my knee. I am not a weak point, but a strong one. I am part of your body, and I want to be used. I am not a symbol of your divorce. I am not a sign of aging. I am not a problem. Don’t baby me. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being treated like a Victorian invalid lady who has to take to her bed because of her fainting spells. I am not weak. Stop this. Please, please, please — said my “bad” knee to me — please stop using me as an expression of your weakness, fear, and emotional fragility. Please talk to your therapist about whatever troubles are ongoing in your mind, but don’t blame for everything. Please just trust me. Please just use me as I was designed. Use me as a freaking KNEE.

This post has stayed with me over the years. I find it fascinating how the body often manifests mental pain through physical expression, such as a knee; and how the body will heal itself completely, if it is given a chance.

For many years, I have experienced my own digestion and low energy issues, with a slow and sluggish system. This resulted in my carrying around extra weight and living with a feeling of general exhaustion, which I have spoken to in previous posts.

A year and a half ago, I went to see a naturopath to try to find some answers. I tried the traditional medical route, with no luck, so it seemed like a reasonable next step. After a thorough analysis of my history, he asked me to consider trying an anti-inflammatory diet.

Many major diseases that plague us today — including cancer, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, depression, and Alzheimer’s — have been linked to chronic inflammation. One of the most powerful tools to combat inflammation comes not from the pharmacy, but from the grocery store.

He asked me to cut out caffeine, sugar, grains and dairy; and although it seemed extreme, I decided to give it a go. I was at the end of my rope and ready to try anything. This left me with planning my meals around:

  • non-starchy vegetables, such as broccoli and dark leafy greens
  • high-fiber foods, including beans and lentils
  • some whole grains, such as quinoa (a seed)
  • protein-rich foods, including lean meats, fish, soy, legumes, and nuts
  • fish with a high omega-3 fatty acid content, such as salmon, sardines, and herring
  • foods that contain antioxidants, such as berries
  • sweet potatoes, which have a lower GI than regular potatoes
  • water, especially as a substitute for sweetened drinks
  • unsweetened herbal teas

After following this regime for the last year and a half, I have lost over thirty pounds and my energy levels are significantly better. I am not always perfect at following it but I am pretty consistent (85-90%). In addition to changing what I eat, I have a consistent exercise routine that includes regular yoga, meditation, walking and boot-camp classes. All of this has contributed to an immensely improved sense of well-being.

Aside from the physical transformation, I have learned to listen to my body. I realize now that it was previously communicating with me; but I was unable to hear it. The weight and sluggish system were crying: “Hey! Something is not right. Please help me. Something needs to change.” As I was feeling sad, stuck and trying to hide from the world after my divorce, it was telling me: “I need nourishment. Move, laugh and love more. Allow yourself to be seen.”

As many western women, I have struggled with food and body image issues for most of my life. For me, it started when I was twelve years old and beginning puberty; my changing shape was petrifying and I felt very out of control. Food became synonymous with comfort and it acted as an emotional band-aid. I became disconnected from my body and it was an enemy.

This slowly began to change for me when I became a mother. I was amazed at how my body intuitively knew how to knit together a little human being: from a few cells to a fully formed baby. It led me patiently through each an every step, from birthing her to nursing her: even creating milk perfectly formulated for my daughter’s needs in our climate. It was absolutely miraculous and I was humbled by the experience.

Learning how to be thoughtful and loving with my body is still new territory. I now try to approach each day and choice by asking myself: “Will this feed disease or fuel health?” Rather than treating my body as a separate entity, I bring it in close, act as a friend, and make choices that will build strength and enhance wellness.

I am motivated by a few things that I know to be true. I want to age well and to feel strong when I wake up each morning. I want to feel comfortable and connected to my core self: to be a good mother and role model for my daughter. I want to love myself so I can love others. These are important factors for negotiating a new relationship with my body going forward: one that is built on respect, love, connection and trust. It is a day by day practice but I am committed to the process and the journey ahead.

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