Here are a few podcast episodes that I really enjoyed. Let me know if you check them out!
Richard Schwartz began his career as a systemic family therapist and an academic. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr. Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems (IFS) in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. He focused on the relationships among these parts and noticed that there were systemic patterns to the way they were organized across clients.
He also found that when the clients’ parts felt safe and were allowed to relax, the clients would experience spontaneously the qualities of confidence, openness, and compassion that Dr. Schwartz came to call the Self. He found that when in that state of Self, clients would know how to heal their parts. A featured speaker for national professional organizations, Dr. Schwartz has published many books and over fifty articles about IFS.
Jim Collins has introduced a range of new concepts and terms to the leadership lexicon. These include “level 5 leadership”, where leaders put the cause of their organization first, and inspired standards – rather than inspiring personality – become the motivation. He also created the “flywheel” principle of sustained momentum, demonstrating that the building of any human enterprise is not about one single defining action, or one killer innovation; instead, it is a process that resembles relentlessly pushing a giant, heavy flywheel, gradually building momentum.
“One way of posing the question of who ‘we’ are … is by asking whose lives are considered valuable, whose lives are mourned, and whose lives are considered ungrievable.”
Both the Canadian government, and the Province of BC, have declared September 19, 2022 a one-time Day of Mourning to mark the passing of Queen Elizabeth II. The swift and unified response demonstrates the immense value that our elected officials place upon the monarch’s life and legacy. It also reveals the ongoing strength of colonial ties between Canada and Great Britain. What this day highlights for me how our country continues to devalue Indigenous lives and how we are failing to live up to our promises of meaningful reconciliation.
September 30, 2021 marked the first National Day of Truth and Reconciliation. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission released its final report, with 94 Calls to Action, in December 2015. It took almost six years for the federal government to respond to Action #80, which called upon the federal government, in collaboration with Indigenous Peoples, “to establish, as a statutory holiday, a National Day for Truth and Reconciliation to honour survivors, their families and communities, and ensure that public commemoration of the history and legacy of residential schools remains a vital component of the reconciliation process.” Six years. In that time, the remains of more than 1,000 people, mostly children, were discovered in unmarked graves on the grounds of three former residential schools in two Canadian provinces.
On the first National Day of Truth and Reconciliation, Prime Minister Trudeau chose to surf with his family in Tofino, rather than spend the day with survivors and their families. Conversely, the Prime Minister immediately flew to London, England to attend the Queen’s lying-in-state; and on the National Day of Mourning, he will attend her funeral. The respect and reverence that he shows for one day over the other speaks volumes.
On this Day of Mourning, I will respect its intention to honour the legacy of a woman who gave her life to public service; and I will equally reflect upon the violence that colonialism continues to inflict upon Indigenous lives. I will read the 94 Calls to Action, and the Calls for Justice, in the Final Report for the National Inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls. I will think about how I can, as a Canadian, do my part to move forward the calls to action and honour the thousands of lives lost.
As the loved ones around me age, and grow closer to death, or I return to a beloved place that is now unrecognizable, it causes me to reflect upon the people, places and experiences that are gone. It is so difficult to let go and accept when things have changed. There is a tender part of me that deeply aches for everything to return to how it once was.
A dear friend of mine recently reminded me that nothing truly dies or ends, as it lives on in your heart and in your memory. There is such truth in this perspective. All I need to do is close my eyes, put my hands on my heart, and remember. It is all there. The other truth is that change is not always bad, it is simply different. In fact, it often allows for new opportunities to emerge, and new relationships to develop.
Resistance to the unknown is a natural human response and it embodies the First Noble Truth of dissatisfaction and suffering:
The First Noble Truth describes the nature of life and our personal experience of this impermanent, ever changing world. All beings desire happiness, safety, peace and comfort. We desire what is satisfying, pleasurable, joyful and permanent. However, the very nature of existence is impermanent, always changing, and therefore incapable of fully satisfying our desire. Inevitably, we experience frustration, anger, loss, unhappiness, and dissatisfaction.
Life is in constant change, and changes such as birth, old age, sickness, and death can bring dissatisfaction or suffering. Suffering may arise from being associated with people or conditions that are unpleasant, from being separated from people we love, or conditions we enjoy, from not getting what we desire, or from getting what we desire then losing it. Even our own thoughts and feelings are impermanent, constantly changing. Inevitably, all physical, emotional, and mental conditions will change.
Insight into the First Noble Truth: To overcome dissatisfaction and suffering, it is essential that we understand and accept the ever-changing, impermanent nature of life; we acknowledge the presence of dissatisfaction and suffering; we understand the very nature of suffering, and we embrace suffering compassionately, without fear or avoidance.
I was recently in Sacramento visiting friends and family. I was born in California and I moved to British Columbia when I was seven years old. Until my late teens, my family drove down every summer to visit, so I remain close to those who live there. Since becoming an adult, my visits have become less frequent. Due to the pandemic, and being the parent of a young child, it has been seven years since my last visit.
What struck me most on my trip is the impact of time, aging and loss. Many people that I love have passed away and my remaining relatives are in older and in declining health. I am getting close to stepping into the role of an ‘older’ members of the family, along with my cousins, and our children will become the younger generation. There are aspects of my old life that continue to exist, such as the deep love for and connection to those who remain, but I feel an aching sadness for what is gone. It is bittersweet, and beautiful, at the same time. #JoyBlogging
“First, I must confess that over the last few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Council-er or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate who is more devoted to “order” than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says “I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I can’t agree with your methods of direct action;” who paternalistically feels he can set the timetable for another man’s freedom; who lives by the myth of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait until a ‘more convenient season.’ Shallow understanding from people of goodwill is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.”
~ Letter from a Birmingham Jail, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., 16 April 1963
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again…who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”
At the beginning of her talk, Dr. Brown summarizes the value of courage and vulnerability, “The key to whole-hearted living is vulnerability. You measure courage by how vulnerable you are.” She starts every day by putting her feet on the floor and saying, “Today I will choose courage over comfort. I can’t make any promises for tomorrow, but today I will choose to be brave.”
According to Dr. Brown’s research, choosing courage and vulnerability opens us up to love, joy and belonging, and brings us closer to what she calls, “whole-hearted living.” It changes the kind of partner, parent and professional we are when we live brave and authentic lives. Here are a few tips that she provides on how to answer the call to courage:
Be Vulnerable
Dr. Brown argues that, “Vulnerability is our most accurate way to measure courage…”
“…No vulnerability, no creativity. No tolerance for failure, no innovation. It is that simple,” she advises. “If you’re not willing to fail, you can’t innovate. If you’re not willing to build a vulnerable culture, you can’t create.”
Open Up
Dr. Brown asserts vulnerability is the birthplace of love and joy. Highlighting the risks of love, Dr. Brown polls the audience: “Are you 100% sure that person will always love you back, will never leave, will never get sick? How many of you have every buried someone you love? How many of you have lost someone you love?“
“To love is to be vulnerable, to give someone your heart and say, ‘I know this could hurt so bad, but I’m willing to do it; I’m willing to be vulnerable and love you,’ ” she adds.
No Regrets
“Vulnerability is hard, and it’s scary, and it feels dangerous, but it’s not as hard, scary or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves, ‘What if I would’ve shown up?’ ‘What if I would’ve said, I love you?’ “ Dr. Brown tells the crowd. “Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage… ’cause you’re worth it. You’re worth being brave.”
Be Intentional
Humans are hard-wired to care what others think but we need to be intentional about who we accept feedback from. Dr. Brown believes that, “If you are not in the arena, getting your a** kicked and rejected, I am not interested in your feedback.” And she contends that you should listen to: “People who love you not in spite of your imperfection and vulnerability, but because of it.”
Belong To Yourself
Dr. Brown explains that vulnerability is the birth of true belonging, “we are hard-wired for belonging,” wanting other people to love us and “see” us. But that we cannot be vulnerable and not be ourselves— the enemy of belonging is trying to fit in...Belonging, is belonging to yourself first…Speaking your truth, telling your story and never betraying yourself for other people. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are. And that’s vulnerable.”
Gratitude
Dr. Brown describes joy as the most vulnerable emotion as “…in the midst of joy, we dress rehearse trauma...joy becomes foreboding.” Her research reveals the importance of gratitude. She interviewed numerous people who survived harrowing experiences such as mass shootings, loss of a child, natural disasters, or war, as she wanted to better understand how some people come through it and remain compassionate. A common response from those interviewed is the value of gratitude and the importance of appreciation for the little things.
Embrace Discomfort
Dr. Brown contents that we need to be courageous and initiate difficult conversations, so marginalized groups do not bear that responsibility. “To not have the conversations because they make you uncomfortable is the definition of privilege. Your comfort is not at the centre of this discussion. That is not how this works. Of course you’re going to get you’re a** handed to you in these conversations…It’s not a question whether you have a bias or not, it’s a question of how many and how bad and how deep.” Brown underscores that we have to be humble, listen and learn. “We have to be able to choose courage over comfort, we have to be able to say, ‘Look, I don’t know if I’m going to nail this but I’m going to try because I know what I’m sure as hell not going to do is stay quiet.’”
Come Off The Blocks
“Vulnerability is hard and it’s scary and it feels dangerous. But it’s not as hard, or scary or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves: What if I would’ve shown up? What if I would’ve said ‘I love you?’ What if I would’ve come off the blocks? Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage and come off the blocks. Because you’re worth it—you’re worth being brave.”
This past spring, my daughter attended school in Aix-en-Provence, France for two months. Although she was in French immersion before we left Canada, joining a French classroom was a very different experience, and she faced a steep learning curve. Thankfully, she met an amazing group of friends, which made a huge difference.
The administration and teaching staff were kind and supportive but they expected a lot from her. Middle school students in France are held to high standards and taught challenging topics such as classical music, literature (poetry and fiction), art history and theory, world history and politics, advanced math and science.
At one point, my daughter was asked to memorize and recite a 16th century sonnet, Heureux Qui Comme Ulysse by Joachim Du Bellay. Du Bellay wrote the poem in 1558 when he was exiled in Rome, Italy, longing for his homeland. In the lead up to the assignment, my daughter practiced with my sister, Cara, who is a successful theatre actress. I was amazed at my daughter’s ability to retain it all. She practiced so much, I even caught her reciting it out loud in her sleep.
On the day of the assignment, she did really well, and received a high mark for her efforts. Her teacher was very complimentary of both her pronunciation and delivery. It meant a lot to her, as French teachers do not generally hand out praise lightly. For me, this little moment sums up our experience in France. I was so proud of my child for being brave and facing something that was really scary. It was heartening to watch her rise to the challenge, and keep showing up, even though it was hard. It reflects some of the gifts that we hope to give our children for life: confidence, courage and determination. #JoyBlogging
Prairie Johnson is an adopted young woman who inexplicably returns after having been missing for seven years. Upon her return, Prairie refers to herself as “the OA” (for “original angel”). Despite having been blind when she disappeared, she can now see. The OA will not tell the FBI and her adoptive parents where she has been, or how her eyesight was restored. Instead, she assembles a team of five locals (four high school students and a teacher) to whom she reveals her secrets in an effort to save her fellow captives. The OA is an intricately crafted, riveting thriller. It is definitely worth watching!
Cynthia Thurlow is a Western medicine trained nurse practitioner and functional nutritionist who is passionate about female hormonal health. She believes that the inherent power of food and nutrition can be your greatest asset to your health and wellness journey. In this talk, she discusses how intermittent fasting can have profound impact on bio-physical profiles. It is easy to implement, inexpensive and flexible.
NOTE FROM TED: Please do not look to this talk for medical advice and consult a medical professional before adopting an intermittent fasting regiment. This talk only represents the speaker’s views on fasting, diet, and health. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines that they give organizers are described in more detail here: http://storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t…
“Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.” ~ George Addair
Travelling in Europe with my daughter for three and a half months was a big learning curve for me. It was my first time taking an extended trip as solo parent, which was both exciting and intimidating. I was responsible for making all of the decisions, arranging our travel plans, and ensuring that we got everywhere safely and on time. It was a lot to take on, but I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and it resulted in an amazing adventure for us both.
Throughout our time abroad, when facing something unfamiliar and new, it tended to generate anxiety; but as I was the adult ‘in charge’, I had to push through my fear, and focus my attention on getting us to where we needed to go, or doing what we needed to do. After repeating this action numerous times, over a relatively short period, I was pleasantly surprised at how things unfolded. I discovered that I am pretty good at figuring things out and finding a pathway forward; and when challenges arise, there are often kind people (both strangers and friends) to turn to, and ask for help.
For example, it has been many years since I last spoke French, and I was really rusty when we returned to France. As I am now in my late forties, and less self-conscious, I barrelled ahead, despite making lots of mistakes. Seizing the opportunity to speak French on a daily basis was more important to me than being too intimidated to try. For the first few weeks, it was hard to be so terrible at it, but I kept pushing forward with my efforts. Eventually, I started to make incremental improvements, and before I knew it, I was receiving regular compliments from native speakers. I even established friendships with a group of locals. These affirmations meant the world to me and encouraged me to keep going.
In the second month we were in Aix, we did not host any visitors, and my daughter was in school full-time. I intentionally planned this time to slow down, as I wanted time to focus on my writing and photography, but once it arrived, I felt unsure about being alone for such a long period. I am used to being surrounded by a supportive community of friends and family. Once I moved through the initial fear, however, I decided to just take it one day at a time. Before I knew it, I had established a lovely daily routine, which I came to cherish, and I learned that I really enjoy my own company. This quiet, creative time became a highlight of my trip.
This experience was a valuable opportunity for me to learn about leaning into discomfort and facing fear. It has given me the confidence to incorporate this approach into my regular life and make more brave choices on a daily basis. I am excited see where it leads me next.
Today was my daughter’s the first day of school. It unofficially marks the end of summer and the beginning of a new year. This is her final year of middle school and the first one where she is not under restrictions from the pandemic. Community is so important to me and I have felt its absence over the past two and a half years. This morning, the Parents Advisory Council (PAC) hosted an in-person coffee morning. It was really nice to have the opportunity to gather together again.
I felt particularly proud of my child today. She experienced a really difficult year in grade seven, which made it hard for her to come back to school; but after studying in France, and attending a week-long hiking/canoeing camp this summer, she returned with a new-found confidence and sense of grounded self. She is transformed inside and out; and she made the brave decision to transfer classes and start over fresh. This evening, we celebrated her success by going out for dinner at Bao. They serve delicious Asian inspired bowls and buns; and we enjoyed a cosy meal together. It was a good day, all around. #JoyBlogging
Breath by Breath 